izayas problem
by Amber the Placenta
Summary: izaya has a bad thing happen to him


So izaya was masturebating to cat on hot dog action, when a flying monkey penis waltzed into his room and said ":fufufufu giggle piss". he sighed, then ate a tornado and stretched his anus, swallowing MaRS. The terrified martians all got together AND SANG CHRISTMAS CAROLS WITH THEIR GLOCKNORPBS.

tyhen Celty came in and stole Izaia's pennis and bawlzzz. she flew away, leaving a trail of hairy intestines in her wake. the 3dick;less troll wailed, then captured the Chaos Emeralds, becoming SUPER IZAYA. she was on a mission to become a man again.

while she was flying to Spira to find the douchebag dullahan, she crashed into a dildo-shaped planet, which got jammed in her enormous anus. she used it for thrust to go six times the speed of light (there are no laws of physics in anime world. who the FUCK do you think you're questinging, erxactly? *points knife at your ass*).

she arrived on Spira, then norted tornado fat to allow her to breathe underwater. Wakka greeted her with an air-hump, then threw a blitzball at her left nipple. It disintegrated, then flowers gfrew out of her nose.

suddenly, purple dragons started lowering themselves towards the planet's surface. the inhabitants started screaming bloody murder. even Sin was all like "D:" and stuff like that. the Filgaians had come to enslave the Spiran peoples.

all of the planet's sapient aliens ran up to Izaya at once, begging her to save them from the tyranny of the combined peoples of Filgaia. She tried explaining that she was only here to find her male genitals so she can be called a "he" again, but they didn't want to hear any of it. All they wanted was peace.

One of the aliens beamed down from a spaceship. He was about seven feet tall, with prosthetic limbs and a distinctive-looking helmet. He pulled a gun out of nowhere, then started gunning down the human inhabitants of Spira, laughing like crazy. He started saying how much he loved messing with humans and how entertaining they were. Izaya's eyes widened. She approached the crazed man, who stared at her like she was tripping on shrooms.

She was not afraid of him, and instead explained how she shared his view on humanity. The two soon became the best of friends. Izaya explained that when she got her penis back, they could be lifelong bros. She and Kartikeya shared a skin-to-metal fistbump, then set off on their epic quest.

To their surprise and/or disappointment, Celty was not hard to find. She had kicked Jecht out and become Sin. Kartikeya looked at Izaya. She looked back at him. They nodded, then bashed their fists together once more. "We are bros, no matter what!"

They both farted hurricanes, which propelled them towards Sinty. She tried to keeop them at bay with a SHOOP DA WHOOP. They retaliated with a Rickroll. She screamed intensely with rage, opening her mouth just a bit. It was just enough for them to jump in and search for Izaya's wang.

They quickly hopped through Sinty's glowing bowels, then found Celty herself. She had given her helmet to Seymour, who in exchange let her become Sin in his place. Kartikeya and Izaya found him uing the helmet a a toilet, playing with Izaya' dick like it wa a ukelele.

Sinty spontaneously combusted, which launched Celty, Seymour, Kartikeya, and Izaya hurtling towards Luca's Blitzball dome. As it happens, a blitzball game was going on at that moment, so they all slammed into the gravity-defying water sphere. Like a boss.

Seymour and Izaya were both able to breathe underwater and Celty doesn't need to breathe to begin with, but Kartikeya was in trouble. He can't swim because his limbs are so heavy, and he can't breathe underwater like everyone else. He was sinking like a rock to the center of the arean, which is like the middle because of the anti-gravity and potatoes and stuff.

Izaya rushed to save her BFF. He weighed close to a ton because of all the implants, but he was lighter in water so she was able to drag him out. gasping for air, a single manlly tear rolled out of one of his bloodshot green eyes. he couldn't believe that anyone had shown him kindness. this was the happiest day of his life.

He tried to give his bro a hug, but she refused. Hugging was way too mushy for their kind of relationship. Their bromance had evolved far beyond a mere bromance. They were now asexual life partners. They punched each other on the shoulder, bashed their fists together, then performed a super high five. This was it. Izaya was going to become a man, even if it would cost both of them their lives.

Obese werewolves popped out of their shoes, which farted so hard that it launched the bros onto the many Veruni ships hovering over Spira. They hopped from ship to ship until they eventually reached the mothership, the Locus Solus. Celty was standing on the cockpit, holding Izaya's cock over the edge.

She used the spaceship to broadcast a message, threatening that she would throw it into the sea if they took one step closer. Kartikeya let out a massive war cry, then whipped out a few of his cheap-ass extra turn moves. Moving like lightning, he swiped the penis out of her hand, fumbled with it because it was slippery and orange and trying to bite his fingers off, had a cup of tea, then returned it to his bro. Izaya snapped it back on, but something was missing. It was missing its testicles. Celty had wrapped those up in one of her shadow balls. Dude, think about it. Balls inside a ball. LOL XD

Seymour, who had finally caught up with the aliens, spit out a toxic purple chocobo, which fired lasers out of its cloaca. It tried cutting the shadow-ball, but its laser was instead deflected and it shot down Santa Claus back on Earth. Celty made a giant basilisk fiend out of shadows, which tried petrifying Kartikeya. It failed because his limbs were already made of minerals. Izaya pulled its pants down, then launched a laser of its own from its newly attached penis. This laser was apple flavoed, so it was far more powerful than the last. It sliced the shadow ball right in half; the testicles contained within fell to the spaceship's surface. Kartikeya pulled another one of his hax stunts, returning the other half of his bro's manhood. Izaya attached them, then he lept onto the spaceship with his bro. Now that he had finally become a man once agaion, he would never back down, no matter what.

Celty ripped Seymour's head off, then attached it to her neck. She laughed at them, then started spitting ghost pepper juice at them. They tried parrying the attack, but those were no ordinary ghost peppers. They were unsent fiend peppers. With a heat rating of 90 trillion Scoville units, their juices could eat through anything.

The beam just nicked Kartikeya's arm, leaving a perfect imprint in its wake. He saw the damage to his beloved arm and was all ";_;", but Izaya snapped him out of his funk when he vomited a turkey on him. They couldn't worry about trivial shit like that right now. They had to stop Celtymour's pepper beam, or else Spira might melt, taking them with it!

They whiooped out their dick0-shaped guitars, then started strumming at the speed of sound. The sound waves blasted Celtymour like a hurricane, making her cry tears of jizz. The jizz tears developed spikes, then merged with the pepper beam. The result was very unstable, and it blew up in Celtymour's face, melting her new head off completely.

Celty tangoed with an invisible Hypello in rage, then decided to give up. She "froze" everything on Spira with a shadow covering, then hopped ina spaceship, returning to Earth.

Kartikeya and Izaya undid her catastrophic action by flashing everyone. Izaya was glad he could do so with his own dick and balls. They were from different worlds, on a world alien to both of them, but they had never felt more at home. They settled down in Besaid, kicking Wakka, Vidina, and Lulu out, then got a pet chocobo. They were renowned for their platonic life-partnership, and had the biggest stash of porn of anyone on Spira. Too bad the porn was Filgaian in origin, and it eventually killed everyone on the planet. Celty laughed.

THE END.


End file.
